Exceeding expectations

While Ellie celebrated her big 6-month milestone yesterday, it felt pretty momentous for me, too.

I made it to six months breastfeeding Ellie!

I think most other new moms will understand where I'm coming from when I say: There were more days than not during the past six months when I thought about giving up on nursing. But I think those that make it to this point would also agree that a) it gets easier, and b) it's soooo worth it.

My love-hate relationship with breastfeeding is complicated. My frustration started when I couldn't produce enough to solely nurse, so Ellie's been supplemented with formula since the first week. Ironically this hasn't made my job any easier. If anything, I think it makes things harder. Yes, during the first few months of numerous nighttime feedings, Brian could help by giving her a bottle. But most of the time I was just stressed about how much she was getting from me and whether I was really doing as much as I could to make nursing work. Somewhere between the vitamins and oatmeal I ate in the first few months, along with the stubbornness I maintained in the process — Ellie and I finally found a rhythm for these feedings.

I'd like to say that we're pros, but the truth is that there are still some painful feedings. Everything I read about breastfeeding issues working out after the first 4-6 weeks was either wrong or just not applicable to me.

Still, Ellie and I are so much better at it than we used to be. And it feels easy 99 percent of the time! Sometime in December, I think, we got into a routine where I could feed her all she needed in the middle of the night. I don't think I've posted about this before because I'm a big believer in "the jinx"... Hopefully talking about it now won't screw things up! But it's really been great knowing that I can get up with her at night (usually sometime between 3-5 a.m.) and nurse and then put her down satisfied. It helps her and it really helps me be able to fall back asleep! Something about knowing my work for the night/morning is done :)

After having so many issues with breastfeeding, I find myself asking the new moms I know about it right away. I hope they're not wanting me to butt out... but I remember being so grateful for the support and tips and friendly ears I got during those first couple months.

So, what's my advice for moms trying to breastfeed (especially those not having a great experience with it)? Just do what works best for you and your baby. I know the answer isn't always clear. There were plenty of times I thought about giving up, but I decided that the guilt/disappointment I would feel about abandoning nursing outweighed my own discomfort... I understand that that's not the case for everyone. And Brian can attest that there were times when it was driving me batty, and the scales were tipping much further in favor of me dropping it. I'm glad I pushed through. But I can totally understand why many moms don't.

There are people I love who sit on either end of the breastfeeding v. formula feeding spectrum. I don't see how either extreme view can apply to every mom. And one good friend of mine didn't even have the option, because her milk just never came in after her son was born. I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all approach for feeding babies. I'm just grateful that Ellie and I have made something work — and that she's still growing like a weed!

All along I've been setting mini-goals for myself. First I just wanted to keep breastfeeding until I went back to work, then I set the goal of until Christmas, then it was until Ellie's 6-month birthday. With things going so well right now, I don't plan to stop. I guess my next goal is nine months, but maybe we'll even make it to a year! Now there I go again trying to jinx things....