Some interesting parenting methods

This is Brian, to lessen any confusion. I'm going to try to get on here more often.
Just wanted to send up some interesting parenting stories as of late. Neither of these will qualify us for parents of the year, but they were effective.
This morning I got ready while Dorothy was nursing Ellie and I headed down to make coffee, pack our lunches and get our breakfasts ready. I know, I'm a saint. Tell Dorothy.
When I'd finished, I headed back up the stairs to spend a little time with Ellie before I had to go to work. As I often find, Dorothy had sat her near the bathroom door so that Ellie could watch her mom get ready (and not fuss because she's alone). Everything was normal, except for the fact that Ellie had a new toy - a used toilet paper roll.
Now, I'd expect as much out of Muzzy or even Radar, but Ellie was chomping on this thing like someone was going to take it from her. Dorothy's response: "What? She likes it?"
Yes, she did.
When I threatened to put this up on the blog, Dorothy made me promise to put up my experience from the day before.
One of the most stressful things about my Mondays is that Dorothy has to leave for work early, leaving me with Ellie by myself. I can handle the extra work and getting her to school, but the hard part is dressing her. I've been made fun of more than enough for the mismatched outfits, shirts that don't cover her belly anymore and many other outfit fiascoes.
This past Monday, I grabbed a shirt, pair of pants and socks, and thought that I'd done a good job matching. But this shirt (which I couldn't recall Ellie having worn before) gave me some trouble. Instead of a snap in the back to close up the neck, this had a button with the smallest loop of stretchy cord to go around the button that I'd ever seen. As much as I tried, I couldn't get that darn cord around the button.
Fearing the ridicule I'd surely hear if she didn't have it closed, I did what all industrious men do: I found a tool and made it work. I grabbed Ellie's nasal bulb aspirator, pushed it through the opening in the cord and looped it over the button. Yes, I used a snot sucker to dress our daughter.
Hey, it worked. And Ellie likes cardboard toilet paper rolls. Don't judge us.